Top 10 Things I Hate About Driving
Don't get me wrong, I love driving. I love my car, and nothing is more fun then driving around at 1 in the morning on empty roads with nothing but me, my car, my music, and no idiots to avoid. That being said, I don't always get the luxury of driving without other dumbass on the road. And there are a lot of them, and they do all sorts of stupid shit, but here are the top 10 things that piss me off the most.
10. People that can't stay in their damn lane.
Seriously, how hard is it to keep your car in your damn lane? I mean, on your average street with multiple lanes, the lanes are wide enough for your car with plenty of space on both sides if your car is even relatively near the center. So why are you riding the line? And it's really bad when you're in the left lane passing some idiot, but they are riding the line, which forces you to ride the double-yellow to avoid sideswiping them. Now, I can understand a little sway to one side or the other, but if you can't figure out how to keep your car within the lines, you need to go back to driving school.
9. People that can't turn.
This one has two types of idiots that fill its ranks. First, the people that turn slow as all hell. You know, the person who slows down to 2 mph to make a right, or, when making a left, they wait until that car that's 2 miles up the road pass before turning, leaving you stuck at the light or waiting until the rest of the cars pass before you can turn. These guys I can put up with because they are rare. But then there are the other guys. You know these fuckers. You're at a red, first in line, just behind that big white block before the pedestrian crossway, when this wanker comes in from the right, making a left turn, and cut the turn at such an angle that they pass your car with about 2 inches to spare. What in the fuck? There's no need to get that damned close. Last I checked, you're supposed to come halfway into the intersection and make a 90 degree turn, not cut the turn a 45 degrees and make me shit bricks. I swear, one of these days (If I don't get a stick first) I'm gonna just auto-creep into one of these fuckers.
8. People that can't merge.
There are a number of asshats that fill this criteria. You cocks that merge without using a turn signal, go to hell. It's not that hard to move your index finger 2 inches, is it? Now, those of you who think its okay to force your way in at 60 mph with an inch to spare, you ever wonder why there is ALWAYS a fucking accident during every rush hour? That's right, because of some fuckwit just like you, cutting in, making someone slam on the brakes, and the person behind them chatting on the phone (more on that later) goes BAM!, right into them. And let's not forget the idiots that merge into a lane at the slowest or fastest speed possible, the former causing everyone behind them so hit the brakes, and the latter causing them to slow down to avoid the person ahead and then making the person behind slow down to because I guarantee you this asshole cut in with an inch to spare.
7. People that brake through green lights.
I want to know what in the hell goes through these people's heads when they do this. And I don't mean when it happens at the top or bottom of a hill, you need to to see over the hill and avoid plowing into someone or avoid bouncing in the dip at the bottom of the hill. I mean, when we're on a nice flat road, where doing the speed limit, no one in front of them, and you decide, 'Well I think I need to slow down now' and hit the brakes. NO DUMBASS!!! KEEP GOING!!! THERE'S NO ONE THERE!!! THE FUCK ARE YOU BRAKING FOR?!?!? GGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Jersey Drivers
Fuck ya'll.
5. People that talk on cell phones.
I completely understand California's law on cell phones. Really, it's one thing to be on the phone for a quick conversation, since you can't broadcast to everyone you know, "I'm in the car, don't call me." It's the people who carry on long ass conversations with their head bobbing around and their hands flailing around an shit. I mean, that's not necessary. Pull the fuck over and do that shit. The way I see it, if you're going to be stupid, fine, just don't do it near me encased in two tons of metal at 55 mph.
4. People with that drive slow.
Now, you'd think this would be higher than 4, but other things beat it out. Nontheless, if the motherfucking speed limit is 45, and I'm doing 45 and still catching up to you enough that I need to brake, your ass needs to hit the accelerator. Seriously, I'm in a damn car to get somewhere in less time then it would take to walk there. If your ass is to scared to go 40 in a 45, get the fuck off the road.
3. Ricers.
These motherfuckers piss me off when I'm not even driving. It's like, I'm in my room, watching some T.V., eating some sunflower seeds or something, when the whole damn house starts to shake. I'm like, "The fuck? We don't get earthquakes here," while I'm holding on to shit to keep it from falling, 'cause some dumbass ricer is driving by with their damned stereo system so loud you can't hear the music, you fucking feel that shit. Then they want to act like their damned Honda is fast, revving their engines, and just driving like some kind of idiot. You know what, and I know it has been said before, but if you're going to put all that money into making you car look fast, just save it up and get a fast car. Not like your dumb ass is going to go faster than like 70 m.p.h.
2. Aggressive drivers.
I can understand that some people need to get somewhere quickly. Maybe they're late for an appointment or something. That's fine, it has happened to me too. But the cockwads in this category are just, damn. I mean, all the honking and flashing your lights and riding my bumper isn't gonna make me go faster, so why waste the energy? Oh right, because people in categories 4 and 7 tend to let that shit scare them. Hell, I just brake-check that son of a bitch, why should I go faster than 10 over the limit just because you fucked your time up? And furthermore, why do these assholes insist on doing this in the middle of rush hour, in the slow lane? I mean really?
1. SUV drivers.
So I know you're wondering why SUV drivers are at the top of the list (or bottom..., or...whatever)? Here's why. No matter where I go, I run into (not literally) more SUV drivers that fit into any 5 catergories at once than anyone driving any other kind of car. Really, these guys are like the owners of categories 2, 8, and 10. It's so stupid. These people encase themselves in steel tanks, and then they drive like dipshits, park like idiots, and are generally the bane of the existance of every small car owner in the world. Now, this doesn't apply to all SUV drivers, since some actually know how to drive. It's the rest of them, the ones that can't, that just make me rage.